“Tristin, are you still in bed? You need to get up and get ready right now!” Tornado Trixie had entered his room in a swirl, throwing his curtains open. “It’s noon Tristin, NOON! No wonder your marriages haven’t worked out.”
“Ha Ha Trixie,” Tristin muttered sarcastically.
Trixie smiled back at him, “What are little sisters for? Now get up, we need to go meet your divorce mediator. Do you realize the gobs and gobs of money you are going to have to pay if you don’t show up to this meeting? I mean honestly, they might just give everything to her. At least she doesn’t smell like a high school locker room,” Trixie pinched her nose, and fanned her face.
Tristin peeled off his sweaty socks as he sat up, and threw them directly at her head, “I’ll meet you in the car.”
Trixie shrieked and ran out of the room. Five minutes later Tristin joined his little sister in the garage. She was seated in the driver’s side of his new BMW. It was probably good she drove after the night he had. The sped down Ocean Avenue towards the mediator’s office. Tristan had used her before, she saved his ass a ton of money, she is the best divorce mediator in Orange County.
When they pulled in her assistant, Macy, was waiting for them outside, “You’re five minutes late.”
“And you’re paid an obscene amount of money to tolerate me,” Tristin smiled sweetly back.
“Hmm, cute,” Macy replied, “Now let’s go, your ex-wife is here already.” They walked into the building, and minutes later were seated opposite Tristin’s ex-wife, the notorious Tinsley Teagely.
“Tinsley,” Tristin said coolly.
“Tristin,” Tinsley responded. It felt like someone had set the AC to 50 degrees.
“So, let’s get started,” the mediator said, taking immediate control of the situation. “As we all know our clients here have sadly, decided to go their separate ways. While Tristin may have brought in most of the household funds, he feels it is only right that Tinsley is well taken care of after their divorce is finalized.” Tinsley shifted in her chair, she was ready for a fight, but Tristin seemed much more willing to negotiate than she assumed.
They spent a few hours working through all of the belongings and assets. This was the first time they had talked this peacefully in months and both parties were surprised at how easy this process was. Tristin thought he was going to get an earful, and rightfully so given that the marriage is ending because he is an out of control, womanizing party mongrel.”
The mediator smiled and turned to Tinsley, “Look Ms. Teagely, you have been doing an excellent job. You both have. And just think, doing it this way keeps this whole ordeal out of the tabloids. I’m so thankful you didn’t go the traditional litigation route. This would have been made a public spectacle, drawn out for months, and costing you both tens of thousands more.”
“Exactly, and the last thing we need is to be caught up in some pesky, drawn-out public divorce,” Tinsley replied. “I’m just glad we don’t have any kids involved in this. Otherwise, we would need to find a family law firm in Orange County and that would make things so much more complicated.”
Tristin nodded his head in agreement. “You’re right. And didn’t I tell you, she was great? I guess having some experience in this came in handy after all!” Tristin said and then instantly got a glare from Tinsley.
The mediator quickly stepped in, nipping a potential fight in the bud, “How about we take a quick break for lunch, everyone is a little hungry, and you never want to do this on an empty stomach. When we come back we can sign the papers and you guys will be good to go?”
That seemed to please everyone and so they all headed off to grab lunch and would wrap things up a little later in the afternoon.
If you need a good Divorce Mediator be sure to check out:
4590 MacArthur Blvd Suite 500, Newport Beach, CA 92660
Imagine you’re in a band. Yes, as an adult. It started out as an ironic hobby, something you did almost as a joke. But then it started gaining actual traction. You didn’t have to seek out venues anymore…they started seeking you. You’re getting calls, messages from friends you haven’t seen in years, calls from people you would’ve never expected..surprisingly, you’re on your way to becoming a financially successful ensemble. That’s how we started out years ago. Now, we’re back together for a reunion tour.
Everything was going great, but then all of a sudden, the drummer in your band gets a phone call during a rehearsal. He steps outside to take it while you tune your guitar, and comes back in like he’s seen his own ghost. Defeated, he breaks the news.
“My application to extend my time here was denied. I have to go back to Canada in two weeks.”
This is what happened to me only a few days ago. No one knows what to say. The band is nothing without George…his drum solos are the reasons many audience members make second appearances. The band chemistry, the specific and unique talent each member brought to the group…it only worked when everyone was on board. You can’t have the Four Seasons without the fourth man — and no one could replace him.
“No,” the keyboardist pipes up. “That’s not happening.”
For the next twenty minutes, we all dispute what little knowledge we have regarding immigration law. Someone says he’d be an undocumented immigrant if he stays, another says it’s fine if he’s a rock star, someone says he could seek asylum, another says “…from Canada?”….nothing really gets done. That is until we finally decide to use the wealth of information at our fingertips.
“Has no one Googled this yet?” I ask. The band members sheepishly stare at the ground.
After a dejected sigh, I finally put “immigration law orange county” into the search bar. The band members grab their respective devices and do the same. The first fifteen minutes were discouraging, but I realized why so many people go into law (spoiler alert: it’s because they make BANK). The band was making a decent amount of money during the tour, but not that much…money was still very much part of the equation, and it made the search more difficult than expected.
“Wait look at this one,” our keyboardist says. He had found a link to a more affordable lawyer via a Yelp review, and she was local. Not only did she have an impressive amount of positive reviews, but every one of her clients agreed that her services were definitely worth the price. George called the number on the website and she picked up in seconds. After briefly explaining his situation, she assured us that he had several means of legally staying in the US longer. They set up an in-person consultation, and from then on, we were never worried about George having to leave us again.
We only hope more people take the time to find these lawyers, rather than thinking their only options are staying illegally or leaving their entire life behind. These kinds of lawyers often unsung heroes, helping people when they need it most and keeping their prices affordable so people don’t spend their last dime just trying to continue their life in the US. And if that isn’t honorable, I don’t know what is.
Here’s one of these great lawyers:
K Nair law Group, P.C.
31897 Del Obispo St Suite 225, San Juan Capistrano, CA 92675
Termites: the reason your neighbor’s house gets covered in a ridiculous circus tent. No one likes dealing with them, which is why so many people put it off until their ceiling foundation looks a little shakey. But believe me, termite infestations are nothing to put on the backburner. In fact, coming face-to-face with the termite problem early on might just save your life.
I had my own personal run-in with these “delightful” little creatures in my own career. I was halfway through a set with my band the other week, we were doing a little reunion tour, getting the guys all back together sort of thing. So we were in the part in the lineup where the energy really starts to pick up. The skies were blue, the crowd was pumped, and stage safety was the last thing on our minds. However, it became painfully relevant all too quickly when we heard a loud creak in the stage.
I am typically in charge of group morale, so I didn’t acknowledge it as a problem right away. After casting a quick nervous glance to my bandmates, I “played it off” (so to speak) with a laugh and continued in my favorite indulgent guitar solo. But I knew it was a problem I could no longer avoid when the stage literally sunk beneath my feet. I felt like we were on the freaking Titanic!
Call it far-fetched, but there is no other way for me to properly explain this. Whichever beam was supporting the weight of me, our drummer, and our equipment had just given up six inches of its original height. I had no idea this was even possible, at least in terms of physics. It was then that we knew it was an actual problem, not the kind you can just dismiss with “peace, love, and rock n’ roll.”
The rescue mission is my favorite part of the story, and I only know it because my manager told me what happened in full detail after the event. After the unfortunate sinking event, our manager went directly to the guys that saved us last time. Longtime readers of this blog may remember a story where termites took down the stage in our recording studio. Because of that, we had a little experience with termite extermination, my manager literally dug through our old records and somehow, by the grace of God himself, found their number just in time.
A fine exterminator from Garden Grove by the name of Marky Mark (okay not really, but wouldn’t that be amazing??) sauntered in with his knowledge of all things extermination. He had saved us once, we were hoping he could save us again. And just to reset the scene, while all of this is happening, we are still jamming away on stage to a huge crowd. Lord knows how he did the job so quickly — I thought the process involved several days-worth of fumigating and quarantining, but apparently, it is doable without such drastic measures. Within what seemed like minutes (one’s sense of time is severely compromised whilst on stage), the problem had evaporated into thin air. The concert continued, the crowd was pumped, and we completed the set on a termite-free stage,
Now I know this sounds far-fetched — termite extermination within a few hours? That’s too science-fiction-y for my taste. But folks, the advances of technology go way beyond SpaceX and self-driving Ubers. The future is now guys, it’s pretty dang cool. And in tribute, I’m writing a new song dedicated to this amazing man who has now saved us twice. Be on the lookout for that! Until then, keep rocking!
Beep, beep, beep… Snake Robins rolled over in his bed and smacked his alarm clock. The clock read 5:15, not AM but PM. Hmm, he thought, I must have slept all day again. He really needed to get better about setting his alarm clock correctly. Oh well, he thought.
He had a dinner meeting with his friend Rob Reynolds in 45 minutes. He threw some clothes on and headed out the door. The restaurant was walking distance from his old house, so he strolled down the sidewalk in its general direction. His friend Rob was actually working on building his new home, that’s how they had met.
Snake’s fame had revamped within the past year after millennial celebrity Justin Boston had released a cover of his famous 70s song, “I Just Want to Rock”. All of the sudden his music was cool again. He went from being a washed up 70s rocker to a modern-day celebrity. On top of that he had made a pretty penny. So, it was time to ditch his old, run-down bachelor pad. The years of partying had not been kind to it anyways. Snake was moving on to something better, and that’s where Rob came into play. He was known for building some of the nicest houses in the city.
Snake entered the restaurant and saw Rob was already there. “I would complain about you being late but I wouldn’t expect anything different,” Rob said with a grin. Snake noticed it appeared he had already ordered because there were no menus on the table. “I was getting hungry, so I ordered for both of us, I hope you like burgers.”
A waitress approached holding a tray with two plates just as Snake was taking his seat.
“Two ultra deluxe burgers with extra sauce,” she set the plates down in front of the guys.
“We’ve had too many meals together,” Snake said laughing and putting his hands up in surrender. It was nice to have a friend that knew him so well, Snake thought.
‘I thought you might be hungry after a big night,” Rob said smiling.
“How do you know I had a big night?” Snake replied, to which Rob just raised his eyebrows. “Okay fine, thanks,” Snake laughed. “So, what do you need from me?”
“I’d like you to review these plans and sign on the dotted line,” Rob said. He slid a folder and a pen across the table to Snake. Snake began to look over the plans.
“Woah, I’m going to have a pool, cool!” Snake exclaimed.
Rob rolled his eyes, “Haha, Yeah, we’ve been over this, you are going to have a killer home! If everything looks good, you can sign there at the bottom and I can get started actually building your dream home.”
“This all looks righteous man,” Snake replied, signing his name at the bottom of the document.
“Great, now that I’m your new agent…” Rob replied taking the paperwork back.
“New agent?” Snake asked.
“Ya, you just signed papers giving me 30% royalties on your hits,” Rob replied.
Snakes face reddened, “what are you talking about?” He was pretty confident Rob was joking, but in his world he couldn’t be sure.
“Just kidding!” Rob started laughing hysterically. “Didn’t anyone ever teach you to read everything before you sign?”
Snake punched him in the shoulder and replied, “Let’s start eating, and tell me more about my new home.”
“Well, let me highlight some of my favorite features. In the basement, you are going to have a full-fledged recording studio with soundproof walls so that you don’t disturb the neighbors. You already saw the pool, and we’re going to put in some fountains that spray into it. O, and, there’s a secret room in the library! Like something straight out of a movie. Pull the right book and a door opens up to a little wet bar where you can host private parties.” Rob could tell Snake was pleased with the ideas and was excited to get the job started.
“Rob, what can I say, you work magic, I cannot wait to get into my new home.” Snake said as he was finishing devouring the burger. Snake went home thinking to himself, “I am sure lucky I met Rob and his team, this new house is going to be killer!”
Sailhouse Custom Homes
170 Newport Center Dr Suite 220, Newport Beach, CA 92660
No one wants to talk about divorce. It’s about as exciting as discussing payment plans or leasing agreements. They’re long, messy, boring, and involve all sorts of legality nonsense that no one wants to deal with.
But let’s say you’re in a situation where you just really, really need a divorce lawyer — or at least someone who can seal the deal so both parties can get some closure? Where do you even start? Just Google it and wait for the ones who charge the most to come up first?
This is the conundrum that Ben Greenheld had, the drummer for an up-and-coming rock band in Southern California. The life of a touring musician doesn’t exactly facilitate the separation process, especially when funds must be so carefully handled. This is when Michael Rena, the band’s lead singer, came to the rescue.
“The separation with my ex-wife was painful enough, but not being able to find someone affordable enough to give both of us some closure? That was the really cruel thing. All we wanted was someone who would make the process go as smoothly as possible.”
Luckily, a referral from a friend solved Rena’s problem. This referral pointed to a lesser-known alternative to pricey lawyers: divorce mediation.
“It literally accomplishes the same task, it’s just like a fraction of the price,” Greenheld explained. “When Mike told me about this, I was dumbfounded. I had never even heard of a mediator. Why wasn’t this option more discussed?”
Divorce mediation is one of the best-kept secrets in the industry of family law. Why? Because they don’t have the huge price tags of divorce lawyers that allow them widespread advertising. Think about how both of these men were referred to mediation — through word of mouth.
“Without having a mediator for divorce specifically, I’m not sure how we could have done it. I kept thinking there would be some sort of catch — but it was the exact same result for a tenth of the price. I would give it my highest recommendation.”
Not only is it more affordable, but a mediator can make the divorce process significantly shorter than a divorce lawyer could. Since neither Greenheld nor Rena had children, the typical process could last up to a year. However, when they used a mediator, it took a little over 90 days for everything to become finalized. But, if you do have kids and are going through a divorce, they have amazing support for that as well!
“They certainly don’t rush you by any means,” Rena clarified. “They make sure it’s not one those “on-a-whim” or “power play” things. Just like a divorce lawyer, these guys really have seen everything. And they’re completely professional about all of it.
At the end of the day, most mediators have the same goal: to take something that is already unpleasant in nature, and to make the process as smooth as possible (while not setting fire to your savings account). Rena and Greenheld were shocked that more people weren’t aware of this resource, and I wanted to make sure the word got out. If you have been a reader of this blog for a while, you may remember my own divorce dealings which I wrote about here.
If you are looking for a great divorce mediator, you can check out:
4590 MacArthur Blvd Suite 500, Newport Beach, CA 92660 (949) 223-3836